Thursday, January 16, 2014

New moms are a crazy breed.

I don't post anything opinionated on my social media pages because people are crazy. I'm careful not to post anything that could even sound like a personal opinion because clearly someone would be offended. I could post that I like blue socks more than green socks and I'm sure it would somehow offend someone. It's ridiculous.

I'll never forget when my aunt told me she doesn't comment on anybody's posts about parenting because she's afraid of the backlash she will receive. It boggles my mind how every new mother is an expert on parenting. I get it. We all probably read the same books, blogs and studies. We all know mold can grow in the boogie bulbs we get from the hospital, which is why we should use nose frieda, or that vaccinations are good for you - no bad for you - no good for you again.. "back to sleep" is the most used phrase in the hospital and there is only one way to get your child, who is no doubt a carbon-copy of every other child, to sleep. And you know how because it worked for you so it will work for me, too. It's exhausting.

I accept that everyone has their own opinions when it comes to parenting, but they are just that. No matter how rooted in scientific fact they are, what you decide to do for and with your child is a personal preference.

I can't understand how moms get so up in arms about how other people decide to parent their children. I will be chastised for giving my baby a binky (and he just might be one of those kids who still has it as a toddler). I'm sure I will hear words about how I vaccinate my child and on what schedule. I have already been judged for letting my baby sleep through the night (shouldn't you wake them?!). And perhaps the biggest issue of all - I will be criticized not only for how, why, when, where and who (ok maybe not who) I breastfeed by those who do, and don't.

I'm a proponent of breastfeeding. I personally think it's important (add this to my list of crunchy mother characteristics). But it's just that. I think it's important, therefore I do it.

I've found that society likes to make those who breastfeed feel awful. (However I will add that it seems society also likes to make those who formula feed feel awful, I just have less personal experience with this). Like it should be a secret. I speak openly about breastfeeding. I'll even breastfeed in front of you (with a cover, of course). Yet I still am unsure of breastfeeding in public because I hate the judgement I get from the people who have decided it's not okay to breastfeed your child. That it is somehow dirty or inappropriate or wrong, when it is the most natural thing you can do for your child. I'll never understand how society has morphed my child's food source into some terrible taboo thing that should not be seen. It's gross.

As if that isn't enough, sharing the fact that I breastfeed in a public forum is also apparently taboo. I actually had a mother tell me that posting an article about the positive side effects of breastfeeding was offensive to her because she chose not to breastfeed. What?!

And not only am I judged by those who don't breastfeed.. but then there's the judgement from those who do breastfeed, yet do it differently. Those who think you should do it in public vs. those who think you shouldn't. Those who nurse exclusively vs. those who pump and bottle feed as well or ven exclusively. The truth is, these people's opinions shouldn't make me feel bad. They shouldn't even matter. But sometimes I catch myself questioning my own parenting - am I doing something wrong? Could I be doing better for my son? And it sucks. Why do us mothers, who should be sticking together, judge each other so harshly? We don't all do everything else the same, so why would we parent the same? And why is it not okay that we don't?

It's okay to have your own opinions about parenting, no one can take that away from you, but it's also okay for the mother next to you to do it totally different. So this is what I propose - why don't we all stop publicly shaming each other for our parenting decisions. Let's stop posting passive aggressive comments on our fellow parent's FB walls. If you have an opinion, keep it to yourself. Your fellow mothers should be your allies, especially all of us new moms that are just trying to figure this whole parenting thing out, not your enemies.

Part of the reason I have this blog is to talk about my pregnancy and parenting experiences. I can't do it on social media platforms because it will no doubt cause a huge uproar every time I make a post. I just wish I lived in a world where we could talk openly about these things without feeling the need to put down anyone who does it differently.

ok. #rantover.

- N.

Slightly Crunchy: giving in to some of the earth-preserving, "granola-esque" qualities that are often associated with mothers such as cloth diapering, breastfeeding and organic baby food-making, but without fully embracing the "make-your-own-clothes-wear-organic-deodorant-all-natural-everything" lifestyle.

Friday, January 10, 2014

My first post

After I became pregnant I started reading a lot of mom blogs. They helped me get through a lot of the ups and downs of pregnancy as well as the hardships of the birth aftermath. The words other mothers wrote about their experiences helped me feel like I wasn't alone in my thoughts and experiences. Because of this, I decided to start my own mommy blog. A place I can be completely honest about my pregnancy, labor and venture into parenthood.

Being someone's mom has changed my life immensely. I used to think people who said having their child was their greatest accomplishment were, well, simple. But it turns out I just couldn't understand it. It's impossible to fathom just how motherhood (or fatherhood) will affect you until you're actually there. You could be the president of the United States and your greatest accomplishment would probably still be your children (or at least it should be).

One of the things I noticed first after I gave birth to my son (about 8 weeks ago) was how much I wasn't myself when I was pregnant. I knew that I was different. I was sick. I had no energy. The things that interested me before were less interesting to me now. It was strange. But I didn't realize how much I truly wasn't myself until I wasn't pregnant anymore. Like I was literally a different person.

My pregnancy was rough. I was sick for 9 months with "what Duchess Kate had" (or what is less commonly referred to as hyperemesis) so I puked most of the time, spent some time in the hospital being rehydrated and experienced lovely pre-labor contractions at just 32 weeks. It was hard and I swore up and down every day that I wouldn't do it again. I stopped going to the gym (I was a self-proclaimed gym rat in my previous life), gave up most of my favorite TV shows (watching TV made me nauseous) and generally stopped going out (we lived in Nevada for most of my pregnancy so even when I wasn't spending quality time with my toilet, going to concerts or out to nice dinners was still often off limits to me because all of the downtown casinos where these events were held allowed smoking inside).

After birth I slowly became myself again. As my stitches healed (yes, I had stitches) and the nausea (finally) subsided, I started feeling like me again. My energy returned, which was weird considering how tired I always was, I started being able to walk around and go places again (baby in tow) and I immediately became happier. I embraced motherhood and I loved it (despite the moments it felt impossible). It's been 8 weeks and I'm not there yet, I'm not fully 100% me. But I'm getting there, and it feels good. I feel like the person my husband fell in love with, which was an emotional struggle for me while I was pregnant and bawling my eyes out exclaiming to my husband that he would never love me the same because I was "fat" and "miserable" and "mean" all the time (oh yes, the joys of crazy hormones).

Despite the fact that I feel I'm becoming me again, I also feel like I'm becoming this better version of me. I'm less selfish. It's not like I was a horrible, self-centered human being to begin with, but I've started to put others needs before my own. Clearly I put my son's needs first, but it's not just him. I cook more for my husband (despite having less time to do so) and I try to find time to make his life easier by packing his lunches, folding his laundry or never telling him he can't golf even if I need some me time, too. Being a mother has made me more than a mother; it's made me a better person, a better friend and a better wife.

Perhaps one of my biggest epiphanies about motherhood and the after-effects of pregnancy came today. I was at the gym (round 3 this week, which I feel pretty good about) and I was about 40 minutes into a cardio session, closing in on 500 calories burned on the treadmill when I realized.. accomplishing an hour of cardio at a 10-18 incline would have been a struggle for me before I ever got pregnant. I was undoubtedly stronger and in way better shape (not to mention a good deal lighter) beforehand, but somehow I could do more today than I could then. I can't lift as heavy of weights and I'm not as flexible, but I was mentally stronger. I could push through the pain and the mental "this-is-too-much" feeling. At the end of the hour I felt like I could keep going. I could do more. (I didn't because I missed my baby and wanted to get home, but knowing I could have felt empowering). Pregnancy, childbirth and motherhood had made me strong, not weak. My muscles ripped and pulled and dissipated and I am still experiencing the after pains that linger longer than the rumored "6 weeks," but I was strong. Who would have thought?

I hope you'll join me as I continue my journey through motherhood. We can have our revelations together, overcome our inevitable and unwarranted body hate (yes, it's real) and discuss all of the embarrassing, taboo topics that no one thinks women should discuss (when really, we should be discussing them at length to help combat those silly insecurities and the feeling that we are alone in our journeys to become the best mothers we can be).

- N.

Slightly Crunchy: giving in to some of the earth-preserving, "granola-esque" qualities that are often associated with mothers such as cloth diapering, breastfeeding and organic baby food-making, but without fully embracing the "make-your-own-clothes-wear-organic-deodorant-all-natural-everything" lifestyle.