Before we have kids, we think about all of the benefits; how the addition of a miniature human will enrich our lives. Somehow along the way those good feelings seem to get muddled with poopy diapers, muddy hands and screaming fits, but it's important to remember why we have kids in the first place - not just so when we are old and incontinent they will return the favor, but because kids truly make our lives better in (almost) every aspect.
Sure there's the love, affection and overwhelming sense of purpose, but those aren't the only upsides to parenthood. Parenthood makes you better; at least it made me better. So many aspects of my life, and myself, got better when I had my son.
I was mid-spin at 10:30 a.m. as I had this revelation: having a child had taught me how to be a kid again. Hunter was nap fighting like a champ so I decided an impromptu dance party was the best way to pass some time before we tried again - and hopefully a good way to wear him out. We like to have dance parties, usually while I get ready in the morning to keep the little busy. However, now was as good a time as any. Nap fighting can cause a lot of anxiety, mostly for me as my OCD likes the reliance of a schedule, but this time I chose not to fret the fighting. Instead, I chose, in that moment, to overcome the obstacle (I'm pretty sure I've read these catchphrases on a motivational poster somewhere). So we danced to Top 40s hits via Pandora, and as David Guetta sang Bulletrproof, my son and I hopped in circles. We probably looked ridiculous. And it was perfect.
It was a solid 30 minutes before the little wore out, pooped and was ready to actually sleep, but that 30 minutes were a snapshot of what I always imagined parenthood to be. While I was pregnant, I thought a lot about what parenthood would look like, and it's always amazing to me when those thoughts become a reality. It's happened before... reading books to a 3 month old, sprawled out on a dino blanket. I first had the visions as I made the blanket during my second trimester and the first time I laid there with him reading the stories my hear leapt.
Hunter has taught me how to enjoy life in a new way, how to see the simple, enchanting wonder kids get giddy about. Sure, kids are weird - they're just about the weirdest creatures out there - but it's the best kind of honest weird you can be. Hunter has made the dance parties aplenty. I can't remember the last time I kicked a soccer ball in the house, finger painted or really drew something before he came into my life. All these simple pleasures that slipped away as I become an adult I am slowly regaining as I watch my son grow. We sing silly songs about our toes and jump for no reason. We make animal sounds in the car. I wish everyone could remember the lighthearted life of a kid. I'm lucky I get to partake everyday and learn how to be carefree again if only for a moment. Hunter balances me. I'm my best self now.
I made a pact with myself years ago not to sweat the small stuff and I try my hardest to stay true to that. Becoming a parent gave me a lot more small stuff to sweat but I'm always proud of myself when I can let it go (let it goooooooooo), and it's better for Hunter and myself. We both end up happier and everything works out in the end.
-N.
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